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| Ok, so Facebook Free February didn't last very long. At this point in my life I think it's best that I don't try disconnecting myself from one of my major ways of staying connected with the people I love and care about. 90% of my friends on Facebook are people who I haven't seen in over a year...and most longer than that so it's not like I'm staying connected online with people I see regularly in real life. I did learn some things about myself during the 7 days this experiment went on.
1. I tend to run away from this that overwhelm me. What better place to run to is Facebook because there are people on there that care about me and it helps me feel cared for. I realize now that instead of going to Facebook first I need to deal with whatever emotions I am having before actually going there. I should use it more as the social tool that it is and not a place to be validated (at least that shouldn't be the reason I go to it).
2. At this time in my life I don't spend a lot of time with the friends that I live near. Most of my interactions are limited to Friday nights with some church friends. This last week has been good because I talked to some people on the phone and also accomplished some job search goals. This past weekend was good too...even though on the weekend I usually never go online anyways so that shouldn't have anything to do with the internet...but it gave me a good dose of human contact that I don't get on a regular basis. I am looking forward to becoming more involved in at least one group that I attend on Friday nights. I'll be moving very very soon so I'll have more of a chance to find more groups of people to spend time with. I'm hoping one of them is the job I applied for last Friday (please join me this week and next to pray about me getting that job. It's as a English teacher. I'd be teaching English as a second language to people at Oregon's unemployment agency."
3. I realized yet again that I can't stop doing or start doing something with my own power. It's only through God's power that I can actually do or not do something (this is deeper than choosing the right toothpaste at the grocery store  ).
4. I am loved by a whole lot of people. (And I love them too.) | | |
| Why do I feel so scared to apply for a job that I know I'd do well? I can sit here and spit out all sorts of reasons, but they don't really seem to explain it exactly. I'm either afraid of success or I'm afraid of failure. Or both. It's frustrating. I'm tired of not having work. It's really overwhelming to be unemployed for so long and have no money. I've contemplated going back to Korea to work. Only this time I'd only take a job at a University. Hours are good, the curriculum is good, and there is a large foreign community there. All things that make a good job in Korea. Maybe I'm thinking life is better there. Or maybe I'm missing the connection I had with students. I could have that connection in that job here in the states too. I'll never know if I'll get the job unless I apply. No use wishing I had had better parental units to guide me growing up. Wishing the past were different doesn't make anything better. I feel a bit overwhelmed with all of this. I don't know what to do....
Stop.
Open your resume.
Fix the top half.
Open a new document and write a cover letter.
Open another new document and answer the supplemental questions.
Go to the website for that job.
Click Apply.
Fill out the page.
Attach Resume, Cover Letter, and Supp. Questions.
Click Submit. | | |
| I'm at the airport now. It's been an interesting week. Last Monday I left Portland in the afternoon. I arrived in Sacramento in the evening. I hadn't had much sleep the previous night so soon after my brother and his wife got home I went to bed.
Tuesday around noon we left for the appointment I had come to help with. Sadly it was postponed. I was able to tell someone my take on things on Friday, but I really hope my words aren't twisted.
The rest of the week was filled with me cleaning my brother's place. I didn't get as much done as I wanted, but I think what I did made a significant dent in things so that my sister in law can now make steps forward.
Friday I got to see my niece and nephews. This was probably the highlight of the entire week. It was so neat to see them. I haven't seen them in a year. I can't believe how fast kids grow. The youngest will be 4 in March. He's so tall now. If you remember, could you please pray for them and their parents.
Friday night I was on Facebook and happened to see a friend from Foundations online. We went through the training together back in 2008. I knew she lived in Sacramento, but I didn't know where. I asked her where and lo and behold she was in the same neighborhood. We made plans to go to church the next day. She happens to attend the church I attended when I lived in Sacramento. For some strange reason we never met when she went there. She came and picked me up for church the next day. I enjoyed seeing how the church had changed in the last two years. I think there has been many good changes. If I were to get a job in Sacramento I would probably attend that church. They had potluck after church that day so I got a chance to talk to people. I even saw someone I knew from Seminary.
Sunday I finished doing all the cleaning I could. Sunday was also the last day I was on Facebook until March 1. I am going to use this time to refocus my energies on things that will help me move forward in life. I'm going to do some journaling during this time, not just on this blog. I think I avoid feeling some emotions by finding someone to talk to. This wouldn't be a bad thing if I were to actually express what I am feeling, but rarely, if ever, do I actually tell them what I am feeling. So this is my chance to start dealing with my emotions and also dealing with life.
Now I am at the airport. I'm flying Southwest Airlines flight 293 to Portland, Oregon. It should depart at 11:10 AM. The flight is about an hour and a half so I will be in Portland before 1 PM. I'll head into Portland by train and then transfer to a bus so that I can get closer to my house. This last paragraph is exciting isn't it?
Till next time
My name is Colleen. I am a passionate woman, impacting lives with love. | | |
| I'll be heading to the airport in an hour. I was in Sacramento helping my brother and his family with some things. I'll post more when I'm at the airport. I'm still asleep. Can't you tell? | | |
| I am going to be taking a break from facebook for the month of February. I will use this time to journal and do more important things in life. I'll be blogging again to keep in touch with those from facebook who would like an update about my life during the month of February. | | |
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